It's been a long time since i wrote anything of value in here, actually it's been a long time that I've even had the time to listen to my own thoughts.. not those of Snell or Guyton or Netter. so bear with me since it has become increasingly difficult just to write down some of my own thoughts freely, without the pressures of essay requirements and whatnot that I've been accustomed to recently. I guess that's what med school life will do to you. After two semesters of griding away through literature, cadavers, and experiments, you realize that you've become too preoccupied with the medical world that you've essentially isolated yourself from an outside world that simply moved on without you. sure, it's easy to be excited especially in the latter days of the semester to finally get away from all that and to enjoy the luxuries that have been deprived from you since the first day of classes. but then you soon realize that this isn't only a much needed break, but also a much needed reawakening of a life that you've shunned away from for so long. for in the next two months, this is a time to put aside those medical jargon and live as laymen (and how much i wanted to be a bum again!). this is a time to let your creative side flourish once again, to think of something worth doing to make this summer worthwhile and not to just rack your brain with incessant medical facts. a time to make up for all the lost time with your friends, for there have been countless times when you had to take a rain check every time they called. a time to visit (or re-visit) the places that had become off-limits simply because it'd take too much time away from your readings. most importantly, and one that has become underrated by those who have too much of it: a time to yourself.

it's time to be re-assimilated to your own life.






anyway, i wanted to write some more on this but my mind blanked out once i started typing, so i guess this'll do for now. it just feels good writing again

Welcome Karl Solidum, here is your handwriting analysis.

 Karl is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

Karl will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Karl an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Karl is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Karl is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

 People that write very large tend to be very social and friendly. It seems Karl has this type of writing. This indicates a need for people and a particular natural ability to socialize and be the life of the party. Now, if Karl also has specific fears (like fear of criticism or fear of trust) then he will deny he is the life of the party, because fear has overcome his natural inclination to be social. People with large handwriting tend to be effective at anything that requires interaction with lots of people. he is a people person.

 Karl will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Karl believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

 Karl is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.

 Karl has a desire for attention. People around Karl will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character.

 Karl can be defiant. He sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way he is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which he thinks are infringing upon his freedom of action.

 In reference to Karl's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Karl slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Karl can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

 Karl's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Karl that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Karl also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Karl is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Karl's self-concept is artificially low. Karl will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Karl to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Karl is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken. (i hope this isn't true coz it's sad if it is.)

 Karl is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

 Karl has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Open your eyes. and maybe you'll see that no one actually gives a rat's ass. when will you realize that the world does not revolve around you, you self centered narcissist. much hatred in this blog, yes? i don't like feeling this way and i know this won't last for more than an hour or so. but you're like an itch on my back that i can't scratch. and i just had to write about it.

as you're reading this right now, you probably think this post pertains to you. and maybe you're right. well, maybe in your world, that is. where it's constantly centered around the all magnificent ever-so-lovable being that you are.

but then again, am i being hypocritical by flaming on a person when i myself am impulsively rambling away on MY incessant feelings that other people don't really care about?  or could it be that i am not alone on this one, and that many others have also noticed but have decided to remain silent, and this is simply one of those moments that have been gnawing on my mind for so long but it was only until now when i finally snapped and at the very least, only wrote about it. i'm leaning towards the latter. impulsive or not, i believe that this one's actually worth warranting an entry. unlike others who pointlessly waste time..... and the even more precious bandwidth, which is already minimal as it is. damn, what a waste.

i am a transparent person. or at least i try to be as much as i can. 

Current Music: carly simon - you're so vain

safhaehgdagasdgsadgdsfhusgaGUABGVFSUGBSDFUBGASGBUABSGUBGUAGNdaugbausgb

ang labo naman. hindi mo man lang ako pinakinggan. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You've probably read this reposted/forwarded emails by now, but i wanted to post this also just to remind all the dudes out there (myself included) of what being a true gentleman entails. this is by no means a comprehensive end-all list, for a real gentleman should already know these things (and could probably even add some more notes on his own).

Am I this guy? I'd like to believe so. =)

::A Gentleman's Pledge::

To every guy that said, "Sex can wait.."

To every guy that said, "You're beautiful.."

To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.

To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down.

To every guy who has given her flowers just because thats how he rolls.

To every guy that said he would die for her.

To every guy that really would.

To every guy that cried in front of her..

To every guy that she cried in front of...

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with meaning.

To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.

To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes..

To every guy that would give his seat up..

To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.

To every guy who told his secrets to her.

To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.

To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one - to a guy who's gonna make her THE one.

To every guy that believed in her dreams.

To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to the car and opened the door.

To every guy who prays for her happiness even if she's not with him.

To every guy that GAVE his heart.

CHEERS to you... for making the rest of us look bad. wahahahahaha just kidding

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Joe - Another Used to Be

For the sake of trying to get this thing going, i have decided to delete my previous post. there will come a time when those words will be said (if truly needed) but for now, i'll be fine with keeping my mouth shut (Lord grant me the serenity and the willpower). so to keep things simple, now's the time to bury the hatchet and move on coz we all know that we're gonna have to make this work until 2009.

so i'm starting off the year with a clean slate.

Happy New Year to everyone!!!! bring on the 2008!!  

My brother finally got my sister's my iPod to work! It seems that my sister installed a RockBox OS on the mini, adding some more PDA-esque features to it. But the interface was simply too confusing and too lagging to deal with that I wanted the original Apple OS re-installed to it. Plus, I think Steve Jobs wouldn't like it much if people changed the softwares of his precious ipods.  It's a primitive 4th gen mini (at least it's not a 1st gen!). But frankly, I don't really mind if it's the latest iPod touch or whatever since it serves the same purpose for me. As long as I can upload songs to it and listen to them, it's all good. I just hope the battery still has enough life to last me a few months or so.

As soon as it was working again, I uploaded all the songs that I originally had on my first ipod.
Suddenly, I was back in 2nd year. All those hours spent hanging out in Ateneo, listening to emo/alternative/r&b/house songs during break. The times when I would only have the right earphone while someone else borrowed the left one. When songs from grey's anatomy or the fray  were a consistent "Top 25 Most Played" while trying to study for DS or org chem (but studies were the farthest things on our minds). Those were the days when our "girlfriends" and "boyfriends" gave us a break from the insanity happening in our lives (not realizing the insanity was still yet to come). Listening to old songs indeed have their distinct way of providing a sense of nostalgia that photographs and memories can not.

For some, things may not have changed that much since then. But after losing my first ipod, the "music" disappeared along with it. It was the day the music died. Well at least for me it did. Not everyone loses their ipod weeks after getting it and days after finally setting the perfect playlists. Breaks in between classes then became the time for eating or playing basketball. or reading. no longer was there time for emo songs or desperately-hoping-that-there's-still-a-chance music. At this point, my Alone Time cannot be wasted anymore listening to music that zoned us out from the reality happening in our lives. it was then that i was brought back to my own reality.. with my own thoughts, not Keane's or Coldplay's.

and after that one year ipod hiatus.. here I am again. with a new old ipod. (having older siblings and getting hand-me-downs is the shit! haha) This time, however, those sappy emo songs wouldn't be the constantly played songs i listen to, but just good vibes music from here on out.  =)

Just for now, a song from the past...ipod:

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Sia - "Breathe Me"

Tags: ipod

I thought I was having a case of the Mondays.... but turns out that Tuesdays aren't all that great either.

I hate having flu-like symptoms. It affects me in everything that I do throughout the day.

For instance, it's too hard to concentrate in class especially when the fluorescent lighting makes my eyes hurt and the wind from the fan sends chills down my spine. Worst of all is the fact that I can't smell or taste anything I eat! So all this time I could have been drinking spoiled milk and I wouldn't have even known it.

So today, after dropping off a friend at her place, I had no idea how to get back to Ateneo. The Caloocan/Manila area still confuses me much. So I took a u-turn in what I thought was a u-turn friendly zone (there wasn't a No U-Turn sign!!!). And as soon as I did that, this MMDA guy blocked my way and motioned for me to pull over. I was contemplating on driving past him even if it means running him over, but I saw that they had motorcycles and a motorcade telling me that there's no escape. (Playing Need for Speed: Most Wanted will make you think twice). As soon as I pulled over, I glanced at the rearview mirror and, as he was walking towards my car, I was trying to remember all the preparation and training I did for such a scenario. Haha! This was the first time I've been pulled over by the MMDA, and I didn't want to use the "get-out-of-jail" card right away.

Open window. Be the first one to talk.
Me: Boss!!! Nawawala po ako. San po ba yung papuntang Araneta Ave..?
(a style I learned from my friends. By doing this first, most MMDAs will be willing to give you the right directions. and by the time they finish, they would have forgotten why they pulled you over in the first place. supposedly it works. and knowing how competent these fine officers are, I thought that this may just work.)

Mamang Police Officer: lisensya po.
(fuck, i'm screwed. hindi man lang nya pinakinggan sinabi ko. nakuha ko pa talaga yung mukang asungot na mayabang na mmda.)

Me: huh ano po problema? (innocent look as if totally clueless as  to what I just did)
MPO: Nag U-turn ka sa No U-turn. (ano daw..?)
Me: eh wala naman no-u turn sign dun ah....
MPO: oo nga eh.. pero bawal po mag u turn dun kahit walang sign. (tangina mo ka!!! deductive reasoning and logic are a lost art among these idiots!)
Me: oh eh pano yan? (note that my voice was still calm at this point)
MPO: lisensya na lang po.

I give him the AFP vehicle pass card. (otherwise known as the get-out-of-jail card)
MPO: ano to? lisensya sabi ko.
Me: Sa AFP tung sasakyan na to. Pinapapunta ako ni Commodore Solidum sa Aguinaldo. May pinapadalang intelligence kay General Aglipay, nagmamadali na nga eh. (stirero-mode activated!)
MPO: patingin na lang muna ng lisensya.
I hand him my licence with the Military Dependent ID attached.
MPO: wait lang po.
He walks back to his homies. And as soon as he did, I texted my dad to call me on the phone right away so that he could talk to the mmda guy himself)
Dad called me, but then I remembered: SIRA PHONE KO!!!! HINDI AKO MAKA-RECEIVE NG CALLS! taena.... bad timing!!

The guy comes back, but this time, he's with the older MMDA officer who I think is his chief.
Tsip: Kayo po ba ito? *pointing at my face in the military ID.. with matching smile*
I nod.
Tsip: Ah nag-aaral po kayo mag-pilot? Yung anak ko kasi nag-aaral sa PMA para maging ..... blah blah blah.
          Sige, una na po kayo. Bigyan nyo na lang pang-meryenda tung kasama ko.
(talagang pineperahan na lang nila ako at this point. but since i just wanted to get out of there right away, I gave the guy 40 pesos and left. Sakto 80 pesos na lang nasa wallet ko, so may pang-meryenda pa rin ako!)

Okay, so that wasn't really a successful way of dealing with the MMDA. But I had an incling that I really did make a bad u-turn since the oncoming traffic was not yet fully stopped. hehehe.. I just didn't think I would be caught. (it seems driving with flu-like symptoms impairs judgement and quick decision-making)

Anyway, this crap-tacular day was not yet over.

As I was driving back to the Ateneo, I noticed that my window won't go up anymore. pawis windows suck! i should get power windows.... =( The window was completely down and I didn't want to force it fearing that the glass might break. I then thought, how will I park in Ateneo with my windows open and just leave my car there?? I'd probably get a parking ticket from ADSA for some weird violation or something.

It was already 4:00. I had a Manny Dy class in 4:30. Do I have time to go home, get it fixed and come back, knowing that it takes at least half an hour just to come home? Again, decision making is limited by my sickness. So I headed home. All the way, I was just thinking shettt wag ka umulan wag ka umulan wag ka umulan.

and it rained.

sige mabilis lang to, wala naman traffic gantung oras sa edsa.
traffic hanggang ortigas.

this is no way to cure a sickness. driving home with the windows open rendering the AC useless, heavy rains and traffic, and all the smoke from the jeepneys and the buses right at your face.

I got home at 5 and had the window fixed immediately.
I had never cut a Manny Dy class the entire year, and I didn't want to start now.
Luckily, I got back in Ateneo just in time for Manny Dy's next full show starting @ 6 PM. =)

Too late to get a quick shut eye before the 8AM symposium later... too early to get ready for class. So I'm stuck here in the computer room, waiting for the break of dawn. I can't even take a nap coz it'll be 11 AM when I wake up.

What to do what to do.........

Sometimes when I come home this late and there's nothing else to do, I'd drive around The Fort or the Ayala area, listen to alternative or the occasional house songs while practicing proper gear shifting and turn ins, until I finally reach a 711 where I get my quick fix of coffee before getting ready for the morning class.

But i'm too tired to do all that now.

4:55

Current Music: Late Night Alumni - Empty Streets

went to divisoria the other day with my bro and his fiancee. they were buying the stuff for their wedding and i decided to just tag along. after my 1-on-1 inuman session with      the night before, i wasn't keen on going to dv that morning. shopping hungover isn't fun. actually, nothing's fun with a hangover. but since i expected massive traffic going there, i knew i'd get me a few hours of sleep on the way. 

and massive traffic there was.

we were too lazy to get out and walk the three blocks to tutuban, so we just stayed in the van and watched the people outside. nakakatuwa lang mapadpad sa manila paminsan minsan. mga kung ano anong naiisip ng mga pinoy na ibenta sa kalye. magulo.... pero parang masaya? plus, knowing that your shit can get snatched at any second adds more excitement to being in the city.
and then there was this little chinese(?) girl. she was just standing by the sidewalk in her pretty red dress while her mom was busy fixing stuff for their shop. the girl started picking up random objects and putting them in her mouth (she's like two years old, so... no brain there) and she suddenly picks up a tetrapack LITERALLY from the overflowing trash bin beside her and started chewing on the straw. meanwhile, the mother remained totally clueless about the whole thing while she kept on doing her thing. wahahaha parental negligence at its finest! myrtle and her maid-of-honor were pretty grossed out (especially coz of their OC-ness) while me and my bro were just laughing at the whole scene.
after a few more hours of that, we finally reached tutuban. it was my first time back since the time when my family constantly went there on sundays during my gradeschool years.  and i can still say that nothing's changed. parang deja vu where you vaguely remember that you've been here before..? pero astig talaga sa divi, walang sinabi greenhills! hahahah mga shoes na 500 sa gh, 300 lang yata dun. anyway, medyo bitin yung punta namin dun kasi madaming clusters pa pala yun. so next time na lang... 168 naman! hahah